A little about ME.

Okay, so here goes...

I used to be an atheist. "Truth" seemed to be subjective, depending on who I talked to -- people believed whatever they wanted to believe -- about God, about religion, about "right" and "wrong." (I put those words in quotations because with everything being subjective, as it was, who was to say what was "right" and what was "wrong"?)

Which was all fine and good -- convenient even, because it meant I didn't have to answer to anybody about my concepts of reality or morality. I could believe whatever I wanted, and I could do whatever I wanted, as long as it didn't violate MY OWN sense of morality (which, of course, was different than the person next to me, because we all had our own "truth." And sometimes, even if I did violate my own moral code, I would sometimes come up with ways to rationalize or justify my behavior to the point where my conscience was eased.

But then that posed a problem for me: when looking at life, the universe, and everything, and wondering if there was any meaning to existence, I kept hitting this brick wall called SUBJECTIVITY. The more I tried to find some kind of answer to what was "right" and what was "wrong," the more I found that there WAS no answer! It all depended on who you talked to (or what book you read, or whatever). Each person or group had their own mind made up, but who was to say what was right? And when it came to justice...? With truth, reality, and morality being subjective, how could anything like justice be possible? Person A might agree that person B wronged person C, but person D might argue that the opposite was true! And both person A and person D might be equally convinced that their convictions represented truth, reality, and morality. So... where is justice?

Was the universe really this chaotic, that there were NO REAL ANSWERS? Or was there an order to the universe? Was there some kind of OBJECTIVE "Truth" by which the universe operated -- by which we were supposed to live?

A few years went by as I pondered this question, still believing that there was no God. Eventually I came to the conclusion that for the universe to have order and objective Truth, there had to be a God. But that was preposterous! How could there be a God? That was ridiculous!! I had long since given up on that idea!!

Until one day when this analogy came to my mind: A mother tells her son, "You won't get any dessert if you don't eat your vegetables." The son crosses his arms and defiantly says, "I don't believe you!" He refuses to eat the vegetables. The mother shrugs and says, "Okay. Your choice!" The son sits there at the table for a while, expecting his plate to be taken away and dessert to be placed in front of him. When he complains about being sent to bed without dessert, she says, "Look, those were the rules! Just because you chose not to believe them didn't make them any less true!"

I realized that IF there was one OBJECTIVE "Truth" in the universe (such as a God to create some kind of moral standard and deliver justice, for example), then my NOT believing in it didn't make it any LESS true.

Now let me make clear the fact that at this point, I didn't necessarily BELIEVE that there was one objective Truth -- I just reasoned that IF there was, then my denial of it didn't make it any less true. Which meant that I COULD be believing a LIE, or at the very best, a HALF-TRUTH. What I wanted, if there was such a thing, was TOTAL TRUTH. Which meant that, IF there WAS an objective Truth, then I should find out what it was!!

So one day, I decided that I was not going to put any restrictions on what "Truth" might be! I was not going to limit MYSELF by trying to dictate what Truth must or must not be. I was ready to put all of my own preconceived notions aside and genuinely wanted to know.

So I just sat down at my desk and "prayed." I just said, "Okay -- if there's a God out there, I want to know who You are. I don't care if You're Mohammed, or Buddha, or Jesus, or even Satan himself -- but if You exist, I want to KNOW you!"

*I'm gonna take a break. (Stay tuned for more..!)*